Dozer The Pig On Tonight’s Chelsea Rivalry Game


Hey, everybody, it’s me, Dozer the pig. I have to sound off once more about the big game tonight. I’m so excited. I got the live feed hooked up and I and all the barnyard buddies will be watching it. Even the baby goats. I’m training them to love Chelsea. I even have taught them to beat up Spike because he likes Dexter. I love being a good mentor. Spike is so stupid. Nobody likes you, ya pink piece of crap!

I’ve ordered lots of food. I got like chicken wings coming, about 15 pizzas, and lots of breadsticks. I love breadsticks. Not sure what everyone else will eat. And my food is free. Know why? The Jets delivery driver freaks out and drops it all when sees a talking pig heh heh heh.

I actually went to the JV game last night. I snuck in and sat on the Dexter side so I’d blend in. Oh and those pig droppings, those could be anyone, after all, I was on the Dexter sidelines. I was getting so mad at those people, talking smack, being stupid, trying to play referee. They were being mean and I don’t like people being mean to my little BUlldog buddies. I had to resist headbutting them. This is why I don’t like Dexter.

What a great game though. The Bulldogs kicked butt. Griffin Murphy looks great back there for a freshman quarterback playing against 25-year-olds. What? It’s Dexter, 25 and still in High School! And Riley Sumner, that kid is something else, he’s going places that one. And when he does he won’t forget his old pal, Dozer. Yup, he’ll be sending lots of food and autographed pictures. That I can sell on eBay and buy more food.

And that Bulldog defense. They came up big. John Krauss got that fumble at the end, Alex Lewis, was locking down their best receiver. Mason Pustay is big and strong and has pig potential and that’s a good thing. Great job by everyone.

And don’t forget the coaches. Did you know they have a play named after me? Yes, it’s true, I’m a legend! The coach shouts DOZER and all the big boys go in. That’s me 350 pounds of solid muscle. And the crowd shouts Dozer.  I’m not gonna lie, I was so jacked up I was ready to hit the field and split that dreadnut d line! Instead, I took out a few of their bigger fans. They’re probably still under the bleachers where I left them. Hey, it was a good clean hit heh heh heh.

So I’m hoping for a big victory for my beloved Bulldogs tonight. Don’t lower yourselves to their level, tune out the fans and the negativity, you play your game, you listen to your coaches, you tackle hard Dozer style, no missed tackles, no stupid penalties. Get out there and win big for yourselves, your community, your friends and family, your school, for Chelsea. For Dozer! Go Bulldogs!!!!!




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