Dozer The Pig’s Playoff Pigskin Preview


Hey, everybody, it’s me Dozer the pig. I’m so excited for the game this week, we’re going for our 5th District Championship in a row. Not many schools can say that. Well, they can say it but that won’t make it true. Heck, most times would be happy to make it to the playoffs even once. But Friday’s game won’t be easy. We’re hosting the River Rouge Panthers. And it’s going to be a tough game.

The Bulldogs first time playing the Panthers was last year when they had to forfeit for using an illegal player. Thank goodness Trump is in office and getting rid of the illegals! It will make it fair. Heck, you want an illegal player, I’ll suit up. I told Coach that but he said it wouldn’t be legal or fair because I would tear everybody up. Plus he said he didn’t have a jersey big enough for me. That’s right, I’m ripped, solid pig muscle!

Speaking of hogs, that o-line is going to have to play harder than they ever have. My hog brothers need to bring their A game. They’re playing great, they’ve got better as the year has gone on.  You guys need to be big and mean, show some teeth, but no biting, that’s my job! And you people hosting the o-line dinner, bust out the money because us big boys need to eat. And stop forgetting to invite me!

Defense, you need to be mean, fast, tough. The first hit equals tackle. Don’t let them slip away. I don’t want to see any more long touchdown runs. You grab them wrap them up to bring them down. Listen to your coaches they know what they’re talking about. That’s why they have that job because they’re good at what they do,. That’s why they win all the time.

Special teams, no mistakes. I want no turnovers or stupid penalties. First kid screws up gets a visit from me. You can run but I got mighty strong legs for how little they are and I move fast for a big guy. Especially if I hear a dinner bell or smell pizza!

Now, River Rouge is averaging 46 points a game. That’s a lot of points. Their defense is giving up only 9 points a game. They have some good players on their team. Many pundits have them going all the way in Division 4. After all, they were in the championship game in 2015 and came close last year. But so did we. And they’re good but they haven’t faced a defense like ours!

Speaking of pundits there were many who said Chelsea wouldn’t make the playoffs, would lose 3 games, wouldn’t make it out of the first round of the playoffs. These were so-called “sports experts” & alumni. And I need their names so I can go give them a taste of pig power, tenderize them a little. You do not mess with my Bulldogs and wish them to lose! EVER!

Friday, I want the stadium packed. I want you all to stomp your feet, get loud, scream, and cheer on the Bulldogs. They’re gonna need the crow behind them. I wanna hear the hit somebody crew. I want to hear it in my barn. And student section, sure, have fun, but you are there to support your team.  I want you all in full force. Last week, you were weak. My goat buddies could be louder than you! And don’t be singing no stupid songs with F-words in it. What is wrong with you? There’s little kids & piglets around!

I got the Bulldogs in this in a close one. It’s going to be wet from the rains lately so ball control is a big factor. Strip that ball, jump those routes, break the wheel, pop the bubble! Points are going to be hard to come by. But I know the Bulldogs will score just enough to win in a close one. It’s going to come down to the 4th quarter. But I believe and you better believe too! Or else you deal with the Dozer! Go Bulldogs!!!!



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